London so far, as most of you know my initial impression was not very good. After many jokes from everyone I was travelling with through South America about being arrested here and the poms not letting me in, karma for some reason??? Had come back with a vengeance. I arrived into Heathrow airport and rocked up to the immigration area to show them my passport and go through, the girl bombed me with a million questions, why have you been travelling so long, why where you in central and south America, were you involved in illegal activities, where are you getting your money from how much do you have.

I answered all her questions satisfactorily but obviously it was the wrong time of the month for her or she was just pissed of at life for being so ugly (I hate this woman now) but she called over the officers and I was escorted away to a holding cell. I sat there for about 3 or 4 hrs before anyone even came and talked to me, they let me know that I was being held because I was a suspicious person and could post a security risk…..what the hell, im a backpacker!!! I had to sign a heap of papers and then they left again. 2hrs later they come back, finger prints, palm prints, thumb prints, digital photo face scan and once again sign a million papers and back to the holding cell. Let me paint you a picture of the holding cell, 1 single plastic chair, 2m x 2m room, freezing cold, white floor and walls, allowed 1 sandwich every 6hrs, sheet of plastic alfoil in case I get cold but no where to lie down except bare floor, 4 books all in foreign languages (and im in farkin England!!) - I was shitting myself. They escorted me to get my bag from unclaimed luggage and go through it, shaking everything out thoroughly and going through it looking for drugs and etc and then locked everything away in a room.

This went on for hrs and hrs with wave after wave of different people asking me same questions over and over comparing the answers and pulling me up on the smallest differences, to which I replied “ive been awake for over 48hrs your lucky im not seeing leprechauns”. Then a lady comes in with a tape recorder to record all my answers to the same questions. A few more hours go by and someone returns to inform me that im going to get deported back to Australia and im not allowed into the UK. I appealed the decision to the commissioner and had a hearing having to prove where I had been by using back records, contacting people id done tours with in South America, emails to my travel agent, photos from my laptop - the works. Finally I was granted entrance and given a special stamp in my passport to say I had been detained. I hate airports, they never bring me any good luck, and there I was in Greece thinking things may be turning around. I arrive at the hostel only to find that because I had missed the first night all my subsequent nights bookings had been cancelled and everything hostel was booked out due to all the arrivals for Oktoberfest going through London. Finally hrs later I find a place with vacant rooms, settle in and sleep my a*s off for a full day - I get the impression that London really sucks!!!

Tyson gets a meat pie, such small things that can bring so much joy - im happy again and happy that I can be pleased so easily. I get to sink a beer with Harry and Manda before hightailing it from the hostel to Nats place for a Mexico re-union party with a chicken. Nat and I get to create a new hairstyle and witness a 1000's strong precession of Harley Davidsons in memory of a Hells Angel assasinated while driving his car. We start drinking early before Mark and Katie turn up, Swoop joins the scene and we head for vietnamese chow and a car park rave party. Seeing as though im a backpacker time to start doing some backpacking type stuff and see the sights of London with a free walking tour of the city taking in the usual things such as London eye, tower bridge, mansion house, big ben, Leicester square, Buckingham palace, St Pauls cathedral, etc. The guide knew his sh*t and was funny as, myself and Kim the Canadian decide to continue our journey of English enlightenment and explore more of London managing to get our selves very lost and on the wrong side of London. We did find out however that Cornish pasties are great, 2 for 1 coronas are better, you can smuggle anything in a girls handbag and Canadians are no good at wrestling Aussies.

The 13 Joan St re-union was on!! Time to catch up with Feather and Lee along with their partners in crime Olivia and Belinda, its been many years since we were all sittin back in the Isa. Dinner and drinks was the order of the day, roadies for the tube on the way to “brick lane” to indulge in some of the tastiest Indian food ive had…..plus copious amount of beer and wine to seal the deal on a top night. Up early at 11am thanks to Lee to catch the Cowboys vs. Eagles game from half time at the pub before Feather retreats back to Oz for a wedding. Another big night would set upon us, starting off with drinks and cards then out with Lees’ mates to loose my Walkabout V plates and sink jug upon jug of snakebites. Redback bar was next where more and more jugs of snakebite would be consumed and worn, apparently a live band was there and the crew started to dwindle. Lee retired only to power chuck most of the way home, at the bus stop, at the house before passing out on the couch, myself ending up in a random house with some folks I met, walking from room to room trying to find the one we were in. The next day I find out there was about 7 rooms I walked into waking people up at 4am during my drunken stumbles, I start handing out the apologies, I never cease to amaze myself. We decide a night or two off would be great.

The bus up to Birmingham gives me my first glimpse of rural England, I was surprised at how much greenery this country actually has. Catching up with Amie and Steve from Whistler for a few big nights of setting the dance floor on fire was number one priority for Birmingham, actually I had no other reason what so ever to be there. The first few nights saw us getting so mashed at home that we didn’t actually manage to get to hit the town, Saturday rolls around, Amie and I cooked up a culinary delight which is now referred to as the “Masterpiece” to sooth our stomachs before hitting the town. I lost count of how many tequila shots we sank but the dance floor was definitely on fire as we ripped it up for the adoring fans. Birmingham also saw the flailing of my laptop and all my travel pictures, not good at all, did get them back though for the grand total of like 200pds, that’s how much I paid for it in the first place. It was so good to catch up with the old crew for a few days but was now time to return to London to see if anything else would go wrong for me.

Im only back in London long enough for big night out with Lee and the return of another Isa veteran, Jenno. The three of us hit the Slug and Lettuce for what can only be described as a fully random night, at last I get the ‘Flaming Dr Pepper’ id been after for so long, Jenno and I absolutely destroy some poor girls plate of food for her, we get promoted to flight captains and given personal radios to communicate in the bar while the bag of goodness poses for the camera, what a great impression we make for the first time out drinking with Lee’s co-workers from the hospital.

Next up we roll on to Exeter to see Sam and relive our college days at uni, Rob and I are there to represent the students of old. The part South America re-union goes well, Sam is a little worried that we are going to destroy the place and turn him into a uni outcast, starting the night with the disappointing Aust vs. England game, following up with the shocking NZ vs. Frogs game, rugby reached an all time low. So we drink to make things right and head to the Time Piece, Sam has a little wager on tonight and the Captain is out to prove him wrong. A colossal amount of beer and drinks are consumed and the dance floor starts to burn with all our sweet moves, Sam is in totally awe, feeling utterly defeated and outclassed, victory never tasted so sweet. A small problem of not being able to get into the building was solved by me ripping the thing right open and going drinking in random peoples room again, only to pass out and get drawn on with blue marker and covered in post it notes. Sam returned later to find a sticky note on his door saying ‘we have your drunk Aussie friend passed out down stairs’. I like Exeter, I had a great weekend.

On returning to London again Brad informs me that we have scored a house right in the centre of the city for as long as we want, 2 bedrooms, fully furnitured, everything free all we have to do is party every night and make heaps of noise to get the people next door to move out, Tyson can assist with this. Brad and I move in and as requested start to party every night, the place is in the best location, across from the tube, pizza hut, bottle shop, grocery store, internet, cinemas, bowling, could you ask for a better setup? Harry and Amanda arrived back from Oktoberfest to join the house and we have a rockin good time.

Back into the wilderness, out of the deserts of Bolivia and into the famous Pantanal wetlands of Brazil. The wetlands are unreal, we piled into the tray of a land cruiser for the 1hr dirt road journey and arrived at our very humble bush retreat, a hut made of sticks, palm leaves for a roof and 15 hammocks for beds, nice freezing cold showers, big common hut for meals this place was great, even a jaguar walking around the camp area the night before we got there. We did a 3hr walk through the wetlands looking at birds, armadillos, macaws, monkeys, otters, toucans, falcons, jabirus, capybara, a juvenile jaguar, while walking in knee deep muck even walked straight onto a submerged 1.5m long alligator, the guide decided to poke it with a big knife while I was about ½ meter away, it swung straight around nearly latching my leg, and lots more animals I don’t know the names of, its like a natural zoo. Time to go fishing catching Piranhas, crikey these little blighters are ferocious, the bait barely touches the water and its gone, the locals showed us the technique to catch em, use a big hook and just try to jag them rather than wait for them to bite the hook. Lot smaller than I thought though, a friendly Jabiru kept us company and every time we caught one we’d chuck it over to him and watch him crush it and eat it, as usual with everything the aussies beat the poms again by catching more fish. Ben had his 15^th birthday with the group, a huge big cake courtesy of the cooks and about 10 bottles of cider/goon courtesy of don’t know who which he gladly chugged down, not all ten, but a good effort for a beginner, we’ll make an alco of him yet.

Bonito was a really clean, chilled out little place, we arrived on Wednesday and I introduced the rest of the group to the phenomenon that is ‘Wednesday Weekend’ and it was done in full force promptly announcing our arrival to most of the town and Scottish to the local authorities at 3am. We finally got to see Annabelle and Karen in true form as well and loving the idea of Wednesday weekend, I found them in the park at about 1am with a carton of beer wasted so of course I joined in, luckily for everyone that night the beer scooter was about to magically transport us home. Bonito is famous for its snorkelling in fresh water rivers, which are crystal clear because of all the lime in the ground and teaming with all sorts of fish, sum of which were about 1m or more long, huge for fresh water fish. We snorkelled a river called Prata, not only famous for its aqua life but water hole with spring coming up through the sand that makes the sand look like its liquid, you can free dive down and put you arms deep into it

Foz sits right at the meeting point of the Brazil, Paraguay and Argentina borders and would be the base camp for visiting the magnificent sight of Iguassu falls, the largest waterfall in the world, think of the biggest thing you have ever seen and its bigger than that, it actually takes two days to see the whole thing because it spans across Brazil and Argentina!! First day we checked out the Brazilian side of the falls and walkways that just about go right out into the base of the falls, hat my batman poncho on and all as just the spray alone is enough to soak you, next day we made the trek to Argentina to check out the falls from their side, seriously its so big that you cant see the whole thing just from one side, rather than try and describe it ill let the pics do all the talking, even got some good spy shots of Karen in there. The ultimate of all markets sits just over the border of Brazil in Paraguay, ANYTHING you want can be found here and very cheap, you get a little suspicious walking through the markets and there are guys very quickly loading and unloading packages wrapped in black plastic and taking off, kinda like the black market, the poms took a chance with buying an Ipod from there so we will see how that goes, after a month will probably transform into a sausage roll.

Curitiba is meant to be one of Brazils success stories in terms of cities and granted it was at that, very well organised, transport was flawless, parks in the city everywhere and big trees, the city centre is actually a jungle area and it has a massive free zoo in the heart of the city as well, total quality nice, I even got to get up close and personal with a toucan, I love them birds. It was here too that we discovered Sam’s special talent of being able to take a crap on demand and there was no hesitation in making sure that every room we had for the rest of the journey was un-inhabitable.

I could taste it, finally, we were heading back to the beach, after all this time crossing south america we had made it to the other side, noice!! We head straight to Ihla Grande which is an island off the coast just south of Rio, such a laid back chilled out town. The boat we had to get there was superiorly fast, so fast that I think at one stage I glanced to the side and there were some guys in a kayak powering past us. We took no time in finding a bar to drink in and chill out, the night progressed and gained momentum, I tried to perfect my double backflips off the pier into the ocean with questionable results, main questions being can he even fall of the pier properly. Didn’t do a real lot here besides chill out on the beach, watch movies and relax, knowing that we had finally crossed the continent. I lost my camera here as well so no more pics from here on in, full bummer, the tour claims my second camera, what can ya do.

Beach, bums and boobs, oh yeah baby its Rio!! Of course when going to Rio we had to stay at Copacabana beach and luckily enough for us it was Sunday so the beach was in full swing. I developed a slight neck jar from swinging my head around all the time, there was thousands of people, beach volley courts everywhere, basically exactly the same as in the movies. We stayed in an unreal hostel called Mellow Yellow just back from the beach, it had a huge hot tub and a quality bar on the roof with very cheap drinks, it was 90% English people but every place has its little down points. Of course a visit to the Christ Remdere or how ever you say it, basically the big Jesus statue on top of the hill overlooking Rio, the view up there was stunning, could see all over Rio - such an amazing city I can see why everyone from across the globe flocks there every year. Sugarloaf mountain gondola was another must to get a different view of the city and watch a great sunset. If you ever go to Rio there is a little food bar on Copacabana St which supplied my daily sustenance for my time there called “Big Bi”, go there and be cheaply satisfied. Also the most amazing all you can eat meat place Mosique’s where the waiters walk around with all different kinds of meat on swords and carve it off fresh onto your plate, cheesey beef, roast, lamb, pork, steak and oh yes…… I even had a fresh horse steak!!! Well it wouldn’t be a Tyson update if there wasn’t a few dramas to plague me, first night and massive big party out in the boondocks called Favela Funk, cant remember leaving the hostel but the boys told me I was in full swing - total 100% Tucker Max drunk and sporting all his finer qualities, I shouldn’t have read that book. Really upset a cabbie, gave it to a chick from Sydney that told me it should be the centre of Australia, I think she is in therapy now, 10mins at the party and I was lost, couldn’t get home then someone swiped all my money, no one could speak English or Spanish, panic set in, totally super dodgy area of town, waited around with a security guard until about 5:30am when these two nice girls offered to cover my share of the cab home, finally some luck and I got to see my first Rio sunrise on the way home. I thought it was time to try something new , get cultured as some might say, go to a contemporary modern art museum, all it did was confirm all my suspicions about art (sorry to the few artists on my list) as this place sucked. Upon walking in there was a blackboard you could write on and somebody else had summed it up nicely “Do we still really need all this hippy shit” I burst into uncontrollable laughter and left my own comment. Annabelle, K-time and I did a city tour taking in the sights of Rio, odd things like a building that was designed to look like a rubics cube, people on stilts selling porn an ultra modern church which is a giant pyramid, strange! Dramas struck at the airport as well when my flight was non existent, lucky for a cancellation, righto just let me get on the plane, second serving of crap luck!! I forgot to take my knife out of my bag when I went through customs which created a tremendous scene, again no English speakers and nearly involved me being taken into custody cause I wouldn’t let them have it, finally a compromise was reached and they let me put it in a box and check it through as separate luggage, a handy hint for you all to remember. So there it is, wish I had some pics for you all and I bet you wish 2.

Continuing on from the last update we left Lapaz and started to make the journey across Bolivia, looking forward to the cheapness of Bolivia after all its meant to be the cheapest country in South America. The day ahead was going to be long starting with a bus at 8am to Oruro then a train to Uyuni which wouldn’t arrive till 10:30pm, we kept busy though with plenty of cards as the train passed through swamplands, banter on Laura and watching crappy movies in Spanish with subtitles in French or some crap. I was utterly delighted in the morning to step outside and see three old 60 series Land Cruisers waiting for us to start our 3 day 4WD trip across the great salt flats of Bolivia, its been a while since I’ve seen one and definitely got me thinking of home again. With Scottish and Little Germany getting all lovely and cosy in the back, me and Sam giving them plenty, off we set, now you might think… ooohh salt flats hoorah, but its actually pretty wicked. As far as you can see just blinding white like it never ends, we stop at some salt stockpiles for a photo op and a quick soccer game, hotel Desal Playa Blanca in the middle of nowhere completely made of salt!! salt bricks, chairs, tables, beds - everything, I even licked the walls and they still taste like salt. In the middle of all the endless white a small dot pops up on the horizon, when we get there for lunch we find out it is an ancient fossilised coral reef island, now covered with Godzilla sized cacti, check out the pics.

Shite went downhill for me quickly from here, on the way to camp 1 after lunch I feel sick, battling for half hour I cant hold on, stop!! I had just barely got the door open and my stomach ejected everywhere for about 6 rounds. Get back in the car and keep moving, only half hour to go, just as we pull into the camp, door open, round 7 to 10 - I’m really starting to feel bad at this stage so I head straight to bed which doesn’t help a lot and the pain gets worse and worse. All of you that have known me for any length of time know I do a lot of stupid crap and have been hurt a lot!!! this honestly had to have been the most severe pain id ever been through, throwing up so much I couldn’t breathe and crying from the stomach cramps. After a few hours my guide threw me in a car at took me to the hospital where they jabbed me with a horse size needle of super fixing juice and gave me some tablets, within one minute I was shooting out both ends like fireworks at the show, back to the hotel and it continued for about another 2 hrs before I passed out, must have been the lama meat the doc said. Morning at last, I woke up, I had a six pack from the hurling and felt surprisingly well, to the point that after our guides hopeless and slow 4WD efforts I commandeered the car, showing him how to drive, something he didn’t like too much, I have no idea what was in that needle, magic snake juice, unicorn piss, endangered monkey seamen or leprechaun tears but it was great stuff, try and get some if you can.

We continued the trip for another 2 days, I felt better, others got worse but we continued, the altitude was high at somewhere around 5000m I think, we were driving through the sandy desert and there were big chunks of ice lying around so you see it was damn cold, especially when it came to sleeping at night in huts made of mud and roofs made of sticks. We came across the stone trees, painted by some famous painter that I don’t know about but cool to take pictures of, Rob the pom tried to catch these super rabbits that bounced from rock to rock with no avail, typical useless poms, The terrain was like that of Oz but colder with different nomadic villages scattered everywhere, don’t know how they do it, also got to see a train graveyard on the way home which was an odd site indeed, pictures tell the story, Uyuni also claimed my pluggers as well as my stomach and ass!!!.

Potosi was the next port of call to go down into the underground silver mine. Started back in the 1500’s most of the silver is now gone and the main material mined is lead/zinc so I was pretty interested to see it after my time in the mines in Mt Isa. On the way to the mine tour we stop off at the miners markets to get some treats, coca leaves and drinks for the miners (90% alc) and for us $10 Bolivianos ($1.5US) for a stick of dynamite, igniter, fuse, and bag of ammonia nitrate….. Oh this was going to be great. We get to the mine and basically crawl into the holes on our hands and knees through the tunnels, I was totally surprised, nothing like in Australia these guys are doing it tough. Every tunnel is dug by hand, all of the holes drilled by hand, all the waste and ore carried out in wheel barrows by 15 yr old runner boys, no ventilation, no safety gear or masks and they are down in the mine for up to 24hrs, a total eye opener, we have it good back home guys. Once out of the tunnels we head for a open kind of area, break out the dynamite, mush it about, put the igniter and fuse in, wrap it up, put it inside of the bag of ammonia nitrate and put it in a whole in the ground, 2 mins pass and KABOOM - it blows a big friggin hole in the ground, I immediately get an urge to head back to the markets and get as much as I can. Got the whole thing on video, cant do that kind of shite back home. Potosi claimed the life of my hat.

Gunna go to Sucre, gunna have myself a party. No particular reason just the chance to have a drink in a nice place so we do, to our stupidness and not learning the lessons from last time in Cuzco, Scottish and myself start drinking at 3pm, by the time this day is out we will both vow that 3pm must have been the time that Lucifer was conceived and drinking shall never start at this time again. From the hotel we make our way down the street at about 7pm I think it was, within 50m I hear a police siren and have the immediate reflex to get the hell out of there and take off down the street, I get away and think all is good, then as I’m walking around the next block cars pull up around me and I’m in the back of one of the cars on the way to jail, surprised Scottish is in there too. Apparently my belt was loose and my pants fell down, they didn’t like this, when I ran off they liked this even less so by the time they got me they really had their happy pants on. They couldn’t understand a word of English so I kept asking for English speaking people and telling them to smell my poo, which in turn made Scottish laugh and in turn made the police happier. They make a lot of handcuff and behind bars hand signals which does not make me happy and causes me to jump up and down and stamp my feet as we both start to get really worried, after a while our guide came to the rescue and saved us, several hours later and for a fee of $100 we are released, exciting experience though. We make our way to the restaurant where the rest of the crew is and continue to drink, after some time everyone heads home except for me and Simon our guide, we head off to find some clubs. After a while we decide its time to head home also and as if the night couldn’t get any worse we got jumped by a bunch of Bolivians on the way home, I got a busted lip, bruised face and a few boots to the back, Simon got a real nice shiner round the eye, we got away though and made it back to the hotel safe and sound, I decide Sucre is not the place for me. The next day Scottish and I were determined not to be put off, we start drinking at 1pm, the day and night goes much better with no dramas and a generally good night, yes my friends, 3pm is not a good time to start drinking - remember this valuable piece of information.

I’m actually on a bus while writing this and just went to the can which was an acrobatic feat in itself, however to counter this I used some of the best toilet paper of my life, felt like angels had flown down and pampered by behind clean - had to write it, such a relieving experience.

Santa Cruz is our last stop in Bolivia, this is a nice town with lots of money, we find out the most of the money comes from drugs, in fact most of the drugs in South America either originate or pass through this town so we have to watch out for roughians. Higher on our interest level is Burger King, this place has Burger King, oh yes we indulge in all that is American crap food and love it. We also head to the go kart track which costs like $6US for 20mins which is a great bargain!!! After getting bumped into the barrier and stuck on the first lap I decide that instead of racing im going to play Tokyo drift sessions around every corner, I was having an insanely fun time hammering flat into every corner and hanging the kart sideways, lap times suffered but I wasn’t there for that, the lads running the joint got a little testy and yelled and waved flags at me every time I went past, I thought it was a nice gesture and waved back.

Touchdown at the Lima airport in Peru!! I thought I would never make it, watching the ground get closer and closer, what’s going to happen now, I bet the wheels break off or something, but alas I was in the terminal. Due to all the problems back in the good ol US of A I didn’t actually know when I would make it to Lima so didn’t worry about booking any accommodation, didn’t know it was the busy season in Peru either and every single hostel was booked out. I knew that someone else from my tour group would be arriving cause the tour started that day, so I waited around in the airport until 3am in the morning until I saw a porter holding up a GAP sign, manage to bullshit to him and get a free lift to the start hotel, there was no rooms spare but I managed to grab and nice comfy spot on the floor in the lobby, at last after 3 days I could go to sleep!!.

Super stoked to be in Lima as I was meeting up with some friends of mine from Whistler in Canada that live there, Sandra and Ghilliam. Party time!! It was strange to actually be in their country and home town, driving around with them, shitting myself while Ghilliam dodged through traffic and up one way streets, still insists she is a great driver though!! I was in store for a very special treat thanks to G, a three course home cooked traditional Peruvian gourmet meal with her family, it was orgasmic, definitely by far the best meal I’ve had since I left Australia, I was also introduced to Peru’s national drink, The Pisco Sour. Oh my god, tastebuds what is this delectable beverage, doesn’t taste like alcohol at all, don’t be fooled, its straight alcohol, please give me more!! The afternoon was perfect, eating, drinking and laughing with Ghilliam’s family, her dad is a laugh and her mum is a god in the kitchen. With a few pisco’s under the belt it was time to prepare for a big night, starting off at Sandra’s, beers and a Vodka bottle vanished, the night got very big very quickly (learnt how to flick caps yet girls?), finished at I don’t know o’clock, man these girls over here can dance!! Hats off to you! Thanks so much girls and I wish I could have stayed longer, I’ll be back though for round 2.

Off to the town Pisco, desert, endless sand dunes and rocks, liked you would imagine the surface of Mars. Pisco is a bounce spot to get to a vineyard where thy make Pisco, who would have thought. I love touring these places, they are so excited for us to try all the different kinds of Pisco, and we are more than excited to fulfil their wishes. Full of Pisco, V8 dune buggies and sand boarding was on the cards next at Huacahina Oasis!!! Think of mad max, yep exactly the same, big engine strapped to metal frame and big wheels, hell yeah, go kart on steroids. Pile into the buggies, no exhaust pipe, V8 thundering through the sand dunes at ridiculous speeds (still no safety requirements in these countries) up, down, off the ground, fully sick mate!!! Blat up the Everest size sand dunes and its time to strap the boards on and carve the….errmmm….sand, of course yours truly was an ace after a season at whistler, however if your Scottish don’t try it without body armour, Poms aren’t much better either. The end of the day its time to relax around the Oasis with an ice cream, watch the sun set over the dunes then return home.

I had no idea what to expect next, I had heard so many things, seen unbelievable pictures, The Nazca Lines. Firstly we head to a place just outside of Nazca called Chuachilla to view an ancient ceremonial burial ground with mummies on display, they used a very different technique to the Egyptians though and are very well preserved, also got to see burrowing owls. The 5 seater Cessna leaves the ground, within 5 minutes I’m looking down over the Nazca table top at what looks like a canvas for some kind of giant map, lines, triangles, trapezoids, intersecting at key points and hill tops. Then I see it, giant shapes in the earths surface representing condor, hummingbird, tree, chicken, spider, monkey, giant spacemen in the side of a mountain and more. It is unreal, from the ground it looks like nothing but from the air, whoa. Its such a mystery as to what they’re for and how they’re made, there are so many ideas out there, its well worth your time to check it out on the internet. It’s also our tour guide Barbara’s birthday, time for a few bevies before we board the night bus to get to Arequipa, we have a few, Barbs has a little more than a few, after some time in the bus Barb’s emerges from the toilet, “you right Barbs” yeah all good, the next person to the toilet realises that the bumpy roads, Barb and the alcohol was the perfect recipe for redecorating the walls, that’s our fearless leader.

Arequipa is the second biggest city in Peru after Lima, surrounded by the Andes mountains and 3 large volcanos. It’s not long until we will be hiking Macchu Picchu and Sam (pom), Alex (Scott) and I decide that we need team shirts for the hike, I swing the good old green and gold for the colours and we leave the Pom to the spelling, confirming that Poms are a useless bunch of twats, all 15 shirts had the wrong spelling on them “Tatses like chicken” nice one Samwise. We go to Colca Canyon, one of the largest and deepest canyons in the world, the bottom was down there somewhere I just couldn’t see it, its early morning and were sitting at condor pass, why, waiting for the condors to grace us with their presence stupid, and that they did, huge massive birds gliding along the wall of the canyon looking for a meal, like a feather in the wind they just float by. The serenity interrupted by the sound of my stomach jumping out of my mouth over the ground, like a badly played tuba, yes my friends food poisoning again. We returned to Arequipa for a night before heading to Cuzco, the others tried Guinea pigs for dinner, with the state of my innards I had bread, oh yeah.

We board the plane for the flight to Cuzco, im a little wary considering my luck but all is good. Cuzco is like base camp for Macchu Picchu so we have an easy day strolling the streets. Find out where all the bars are then chill out in the centre square where wave after wave of locals try to sell us really useful things like finger puppets, facemasks, paintings and even though we are wearing pluggers - shoe shining, after about 100 locals we decide we will waste some of their time by going through every painting individually (~ 80) with no intention what so ever of buying them. An offer of free garlic bread and Pisco sours for everyone with dinner floated our way and we couldn’t resist eating wood fired pizza while annoying people in the café across the way with our laser pointers, most didn’t want their pizcos after wine so 15 to share between 4, the scottsman made short work of those.

We explore the sacred valley for a day on our way to Macchu Picchu, the Urubamba river snakes its way through the valley and is the lifeblood of all the communities in this region. We visit one of GAP adventures community projects where they support a local community and help them to preserve their cultural lifestyle through various eco-tourism based projects, Playing with the Alpaca’s i find out that just like camels they like to spit curd in your face. Visiting ancient Incan sites of Pisac and Ollantaytambo you can appreciate how hard working and amazing these cultures were, entire mountains terraced off to prevent erosion and grow crops. Experimental agricultural fields in the high country were they were in the process of acclimatizing crops from the Amazon low lands to grow at high altitudes. These people really could move mountains, when you see the pictures of the buildings, advanced water duct systems, the shear size of the stones used (we’re talking like 350 tonnes each) and how perfect each and every one is, I don’t think we could do better even now days. Check out the pics, masks and walking sticks!!

Scottish Spanish - “dooche for 5” (trying to get 2 for 5)

Today’s the day, one of the main reasons I came here and what we had been prepared for, starting the 3 day gruelling hike through the Andes and Amazon mountains to Macchu Picchu following the sacred Inca trail as used 1000‘s of years ago. 15 hikers with out team shirts, 2 guides, 25 porters, we start to blaze along, I‘ll let the pictures explain most of the trail, I assumed that after my last years steady exercise regiment of drinking, eating, drinking and catching cabs to go from block to block I would spend most of the trail on my hands and knees, not so though. The first day went relatively well, starting at 9am with only the last hr being difficult, the Scotsman and I led the way to base camp one arriving around 4:30pm, our first night tenting in the mountains - farkin cold!. Day two is known for being the most difficult crossing through two mountain top passes, the first Dead Woman’s Pass at 4200m named for the shape of the mountain, then down to 3200m and up to the second pass Runkuraqay at 3800m named after the ruins there. The challenge was on, 3hrs they said to dead woman’s pass, the flying Scotsman and I knew we could smash that time, left our group behind, passed 1 group, 2^nd group and a 3^rd group on the way up, its in the bagpipe. Stop for 10mins for a breather and low and behold, Ben the eldest son of the family on tour with us had put on the turbo and caught up, another couple hundred meters and we’ve made it, time??? Hour and a half, machines !!!! With our bright yellow and green shirts we were making a name for ourselves amongst other groups for being quick and leaving our comrades feeling gutted at the sight of how far they had to go when they saw the yellow dots at the top. Down the hill for lunch we hear Toby (the youngest) say, knees hurting old guys? I can just bounce down im not old like you, 100m later, who was sitting down complaining of sore legs and cant walk???, I need food!!. After lunch it was on again, another 600m vertically up stoping at Runkuraqay ruins on the way it never seemed to stop. We had finally reached the top, the uphill was over (for day 2) and only another 1hr downhill to get to base camp 2 at 3600m next to Sayaqmarka ruins overlooking the Amazon valley. We decided that since we were making such good time the group would hammer it all the way to Macchu Picchu skipping base camp 3 to see the sunset over the amazing ruins and then return on day 4 to see the sunrise. Day 3 was unbelievable walking through pristine tropical rainforest mountain paths along cliff faces, through tunnels, and mountain ridges to arrive at the last high pass, Phuyupatamarka. From there it was downhill for 2hrs to the lunch spot, and to save the knees a small group of us pretty much ran the whole way, you can imagine the intense burn in our legs after all this hiking. The entry to Macchu Picchu, The Sun Gate, was only an hour away and with pure inspiration powering us we trudged on, the last dash!. Climbing up the last set of near vertical stairs we passed through the gate and were overcome by the most breathtaking view, nestled atop a mountain peak - Macchu Picchu, with other shear mountain peaks protruding up from the valley below. Its impossible to explain the feeling of seeing these ancient ruins amongst the panorama of mountains and shear cliff faces. The rays of the morning sunrise over the ruins is described as the fingers of Pachamama (Incan god) reaching out over the ruins. The hike itself is one of the most rewarding things that I have done in my whole life, it felt remarkable to have climbed the sacred path, seen the Incan ruins along the way, learn about their culture and finally arrive at what was once the religious centre of the entire Incan empire. Its something you cant describe with words, you have to do the hike to get there, I wont recommend that you do the climb, id rather say you have to get off your ass and do it. Many thanks to the 25 porters which carried all our gear, tents and provided us with what I would describe 5 star camping meals each day. You might think that sounds bad but for the Peruvians of this area being a porter for the trail is one of the most highly acclaimed and desired professions, it provides many locals with jobs and a well above average quality of living. Check out the pics, they are amazing.

Cuzco would entertain us for the next few days, well not so much the days but the nights. First night was a little slow, sank a few at the highest Irish pub on the planet, Scottish still managed to pass out in a bar and be left behind till wee hours of the morning. Apparently we went out the next night but I wouldn’t know/remember most of it, it did seem as though Scottish had seen every episode of Rocky before we went out testing his newfound skills on various Americans in Mama Africa’s, and managing to get mugged at a bar at 8am in the morning and passing out. I deserved a big night after all the exercise. Backing up next night we hit Extreme bar, and as my good mate Mike Hussey #48 predicted I spent most of the night on the bar parading my butt to the hordes of adoring fans in the crowd, Barbs loved it - my biggest fan!! we even had a 5 piece show going at one stage. Juanitos is the king of burgers in Cuzco, offers of massages come by the 1000’s, cleaners don’t like Scottish and Aussie’s, haircuts cost a bomb, cheap rum is super cool, im the king of free drinks, Peru day is great. Scottish Spanish - “Coonta Kinte” (asking how much)

Floating islands, reed boats, reed houses, reed everything, welcome to Lake Titticaca. With a population of 2000 over several islands its mind boggling to see how these people live and build their floating homes, boats out of reeds growing in the lake and literally their whole way of living relying on the reeds. Interesting point - if you don’t like the village that you are living in you just cut off your part of the island with your house and move it to another island and join in, madness! There used to be a lot of accidents with islands burning down until solar panels where introduced. Island people sell cormorants for $75US to mainland which is a fortune in this country, apparently if you cut the head off and drink the bird dry of blood it cures epilepsy and other, diseases….mmmmmm. Bus toilets in this part of the world are interesting, little seat in the back of the bus and when you look down you can see the road, sorry for anyone following behind when I let loose.

Adios Peru and Ola Boliva (im a Spanish wiz now). La Paz, the highest capital city in the world nestled in a valley and organised just as good as a room full of blind people trying to dance. Mountain Biking down Death Road was the only thing on the agenda here for the 4 boys, the most dangerous stretch of road in the world, 100km long, elevation of 5200m down to 1300m, ~2m wide (skinner in a lot of parts), cliffs of up to 1000m straight off the edge, 1 death 2 weeks before, we were pumped. Killer guide and upon the best bikes in La Paz, brand knew Iron Horse Yakusa’s, we hit the trail. The first part was really nice open single track, then onto the winding road, you know your going to be f*cked when you look over the edge and the bottom is beyond sight. Good news is we all survived the trail, sank a few beers at the bottom, had a buffet lunch, and, here’s the selling point - FREE SHIRTS and photos!!! I highly recommend this company to everyone, Sergio the guide is a wicked dude, owns the company, the shop and Bolivia’s only MTB race team, drinks and food provided all the way down the hill, backup vehicle with spare bikes, max groups of 7, best bikes in La Paz, a real top quality outfit and you get control of the stero on the way home, www.adrenalineboliva.com. Other companies have crappy bikes, crappy guides or groups of 25 plus, blahhh, at the bottom we talked to another group we passed, who ended up with several broken bikes and 2 broken arms, go with the pros!!.

Into Panama and to Puerto Viejo, this is a quaint, small, tired, surfy and supposedly violent little town, let me explain, we arrive in our hotel and our new guide advises us that, “last time is was here a few months ago I was mugged and robbed at gunpoint and everything stolen, so we will have a body guard with us at all times”, quality nice. The place is not too big and has lots of good little restaurants, bars, stalls and etc, most people get around on old Harley style push bikes, a very reggae feel to the place as well with dreads being the hairstyle of choice. A nice Irish bar containing nothing Irish except one flag, the rest reggae, a wicked hostel called Rocking J’s, hammock accommodation is all the needs to be said. A sloth re-habbilitation centre that was actually an amazing learning experience these animals are cool, and bonfires on the beach (thanks to the Aussie again!) consumed my time there, I didn’t come across any signs of danger/death/famine/muggers or anything else that might cause a general problem to my well being except for fire dwelling night devils.

Bocos, I cant even describe this place, well ill try, group of Caribbean islands, crystal clear blue waters, fish, crabs, starfish and stuff !! astounding bars, water taxis, aqua trampolines, a backpackers heaven, 50c beers, 4 hr happy hrs, no damn suitcase travellers!!! (aka freshy’s away from mummy and daddy for the this time), cheap mouth watering food, gorgeous girls, odds to make any man very happy, cheapest diving of Central America, bars over the water, night swimming, $1 cocktails, sandy beaches, surfing, catamaran cruises, dolphins, snorkelling, the list goes on and its not even busy season there, I’m just not doing this place justice - Chad where are ya!!. Priests have their church’s, I’ll have Bocos anyday, I was very much considering quitting the rest of my trip and staying there, but the coin said no, and I’m not one to go against the coin, I’m not that bold. I am definitely going back early next year though for a couple months so to anyone travelling, keep a mental note and express your interest, I forbid you not too. I don’t actually have many photos cause I was just so busy and in-undated with the place.

I was very sad to leave Bocos, unbelievably sad, I would have to say its in the top 3 places I’ve been so far. So off we head to Boquete, a little town in the mountains, white water rafting, walks, volcanos and etc. Just don’t order middle eastern food here, don’t go to a bar called Amigos, have the club sandwich at Lourdes Café and feel your pants get wet and excited., watch out for Americanised Candians and the ego’s. There’s other stuff to write but at this stage im still pretty cut about leaving Bocos and this is disturbing my day dream………

The strangest thing happened just after writing this, I was in Lourdes having a club sandwhich and two guys from Quebec asked if they could sit down, sure, we started talking and turns out they are heading to Bocos in the morning so I quit the tour to go back, told ya I loved it. After a days travelling i was back and its better the second time round, or its just plain farkin good every time. Stayed at a killer little hostel called Heike for three days of crazy Caribbean induced partying including themed parties, rooftop hammocks, Bikini's galore, Tazer wars, BB Guns, Team Mute, Captain Electro, Jesus, Random Aussie, Zorro, the pirate, naked chefs, the Hulk, lazer lights, poor miss panama the victim of the law, drunken aqua trampoline, Melodie the tattooist from USA (got your mention you wanted ;-) , $1 street meat, “are you from Cairns?” afternoon balcony antics, will you please all write on me, missed my flight to panama, check the pictures. I don’t need to write a lot about this place, its just ace, im going back again next year, in fact I want to live there - your commin Adey and Shan.

Unfortunately I had to leave Bocos once again and off to panama for a couple of days. Went and saw the panama canal and boats going through, its a bloody amazing piece of work (pics) went across the Americas bridge which links South and Central America together, tour of the city and chilled out. The tour had finished and it was time to say goodbye to my travel buddies from the start Crystal and Mike “national geographic” Hussey #48. Thanks for a great trip guys and I hope that I managed to make your trip a “little” more interesting and fun along the way, don’t forget to give me an email when you head up to QLD Mike.

Cancun time to put this place to the test and the new group. The night started slow due to the effects of the night before but pace increased rapidly, hesitantly at first though. Chad suggested the Coco Bongo club (from The Mask and several other movies), back door entry, $45US but alas including a little pink arm band with the holy words "OPEN BAR". This place is a sensory overload, shows, acts, acrobats, the works unreal, dont know if it has a website but search for it anyways. You know its a good club when

• the have to pump oxygen in through jet streams in the roof
• midgets are flying around on bungee cords
• spiderman and green goblin are battling on the bar
• barman is holding a camera up a girls skirt and projecting it on the big screen
• glowsticks and balloons fall by the 1000's from the roof
• your not walking but being moved around by the crowd

Just dont walk into a bus on your way out of the club. Trying to wake me up the next day was a bit of a problem so i missed the group and the bus to the next town and had to find my own way there, pretty hard when you dont speak spanish and still drunk. Rented 3 jeeps from Playa del Carmen to check out a little lobster fishing town about 2 1/2hrs down a dirt road, i loved this and so did the jeeps, especially once it started raining and the ground got a little slippery, 60km/h through mud puddles - gotta love hire cars. Piled into the lobster boats (some into wheel barrows) on crystal clear blue waters, dolphins, turtles, birds, such a great day out on the boat finished of by a swim at an isolated beach where the sand was whiter than an englishman. For the drive back I led the way, it only took an hour this time.

We bid farewell to Mexico and said g'day mate to the tropical country of Belize and head straight to the slowed paced island of Caye Culker, greated straight off the boat by "want some weed, good weed". Back in the 60's the island actually got cut in half by a tornado, freakay. This pace is a gateway to some of the most amazing diving in the world and for those dive enthusiasts out there (Andrew, Elf, Rhys) "The Blue Hole", definately the most amazing dive I have ever done. Its part of a colapsed underwater cave system, 500ft deep, 60ft wide, we only dove to 165ft though, going into a cave, weaving in and out of giant stalectites, schools of sharks - good stuff. Lunch on a deserted island followed by 2 more dives, rum punch is a great treat for the ride home. Got off the boat to be greated by the crazy Polacs, Andy and Marta from the first group, i could sense good times, Andy and I decide to exploit the islands supply of cheap rum, a sunset sailboat cruise to start the night, more rum punch, some crazy Chzechs, sore elbow, another great night.

San Ignacio was very relaxing in little bush huts, thunder boxes, cold water, I was dedicated spider exterminator for the girls each night, im so tough. Caving is the thing to do here at a site called Actun Tunichil Muknal, boardies, helmets, cave lights on, the 1hr expedition, swim, climb through the cave begins to arrive at ancient ritual sites scattered with pots, potions, skulls and skeletons. The end of the road is a natural rock tomb high up on a ledge containing the skeletal remains of a 20's aged lady sacrificed by cutting a hole in her stomach and reaching up under her ribs to rip her heart out, thank god you didnt live back then girls.

Jumping boarders starts to become a hobby and you dont tend to notice everyone walking around with shotguns and machine guns anymore as we arrive in Guatemalla and jump into a 85' Toyota hiace (nothing to Daffodils standards) to make the cramped journey to Flores, 8 trekkers, 14 locals, 1 chicken, 5hr dirt road, the Hiace was put to the test. Flores is a little island in the middle of a lake and our base to explore Tikal ruins, the largest excavated Mayan Ruins to date, with Monkeys !!! check out the pics, a truly breathtaking ancient city. If you want to keep drinking after the clubs close in Flores you can go to a wall with two little holes, one has a machine gun poking out, the other has rum and vodka comming out at a price, nothing here surprises.

Rio Dulce, gateway to the Carribean and we find ourselves relaxing by the pool in a rainforest hideaway retreat, back to huts made from sticks and palm frons, I love this!!. Chad (our leader) tells us about this place out of Rio Dulce, "Aparently its like a hot spring waterfall in the jungle, dont know how to get there, dont know how much it costs, dont really know anything about it, feel like an adventure??" So 4 of us jump on a dodgy bus and in about 1hr find the place out in the boondocks, crystal clear stream with like a 90degrees hot waterfall cascading down. After a swim we try to get to another village down the road, the method of transport, Ford Courier tray back, now in these countries there is no such thing as a full car, there was 20 something of us in the back and a turkey that kept picking Crystal boobs, Karina had a locals third leg poking her in the back. We get a similar form of tranport back but instead of a turkey we have 4 bags of cement and a bag of corn.

Chicken Buses would be our next cultural awakening on the way to Antigua, they aren't called so because of chickens on them but because they drive at 100km/h along little skinny roads overtaking eachother and playing chicken with the oncomming traffic seeing who will be the first to pull off the road, better than any disney ride you'll ever find. The buses themselves are old school american school buses decked out with plenty o bling bling, paint jobs, neons, mags, fat tires, spoilers, and crazy paint jobs, kinda like all those little asian rice burner cars on steroids, the bus drivers also tend to carry 9mm hand cannons incase people get rowdy, there is a lot of social unrest, kidnappings and killing around this area, just what i wanted to hear. Antigua has volcanos, big ones, with red hot lava, so we climbed one and got within metres of the lava, peoples soles melting off their shoes, anything that touches it instantly bursting into flames, i got a video of the lava flowing about 1m in front of my feet. The trip back down claimed a few people to the sharp volcanic rock, well all of us except Mike the retired Aussie, just to show up the youngins. It also starting erupting while we were on the hill which the guide said was a rare sight indeed, must have known greatness was arriving that day hey Katie.

Chicken busing it across to the village of Panajachel on the edge of a lake surrounded by ancient volcanos, we take a boat ride to visit different small villages around the lake, San Pedro was like Kuranda, as i stepped off the boat 3 people asked me, want smoke, good weed, dont like weed? we have special mushrooms, make you fly, you buy? On to Santiago de Atitlan where they follow a strange little culture/god called Maximon which is a little wooden statue that drinks, smokes cigars and wears ties and moves from house to house each year, its very very true here, suppose they might look at our religions and laugh at them. Back to Panajachel for Ambers birthday involving 2 meals of steak for me, copious amounts of alcohol for everyone, pinjatas, crazy antics and a cool little bar. The bar tender wouldnt serve us though so i just reached over and grabbed my own bottle of Sambucca to share and we started to skull, it didnt take long before Lauren and myself were running to the toilets, oh well, lets get back on it, however Lauren being a sneaky pom started doing water shots and claiming vodka, weak so weak ;-).

Mexico - Corona is my religion and the bartender is my priest, this is the moto adopted by most mexicans, I am not a religous man but i find myself joining the faith. This is a pretty long one cause there is a lot of stuff to write about and i havent dont one in a while, i'll try and keep it as short as i can so lets see how it goes

After my epic journey getting to mexico city i was quickly introduced to what this city is all about, busy busy busy, a sensory overload. Jumped into a cab to get to the hostel and was amazed, no road rules, traffic lights are ignored, if you can see a space half the size of your car go for it, pedestrians are worth points. Made it to the hostel right in the center of the city after quite a few near misses and there was huge street markets outside with heaps of half sized mexicans trying to sell you everything from womens underwear to boiled tree leaves with beans, quality.

Tyson learns in mexico

• toilet paper goes in the poop bin, not the toilet - it overflows
• cab drivers tend to drop of their children, pick up the groceries, chat to friends before dropping you off, it all works out the same price though, just takes a little longer.
• dont catch the green and white beetle cabs, they are driven by rapists, dealers and tend to drop you off in far away places.
• put your hands in your pockets or someone else will put theres in.

Continuing on to see the city cathedral, the city sqaure which is one of the largest in the world and another church that is meant to be the 2nd most religous in the world besides the vatican, i just liked the building. The whole city is actually sinking into the ground cause it was built on an ancient lake that was drained y the spaniards in their search for Myan gold. Now for the exciting stuff - a tour of a cactus farm where they make tequilla, mescal (another form of spirit) from the agarvie plant, they showed us how it was made and got to have some shots, plus some shots, and a few more shots, then some refried beans for lunch - great stuff. They also have this special volcanic rock called Obsidian which they carve into various ornaments, it was used in myan times for blades, head dresses, piercings etc. A little wobbley and feeling the tequillas it was off to see and climb the Teoitutuchan pyramids, some of the biggest in the world, ill let the pictures do the talking. Time to head to the hotel and meet the tour group, Tyson gets there, receptionist says wrong hotel, its changed since i booked, so after a few hours of stuffing around and calls I finally find the right hotel and meet the rest of the group ill be touring with, so the adventure starts. First day we head to Mexicos biggest stadium, Aztec Stadium, to see the semi finals of the mexican soccer (football) league between Mexico and the Yucatan. Police everywhere, riot police separating the two supporters, security check after security check, the game starts and so does the chaos - one of the best and craziest things ive seen, besides trying to get the metro home, forget personal space your family jewels belong to everyone, Mark the english man was even pick pocketed but all they got was his sunscreen. While standing on the dock waiting for the metro train a friendly Mexican police officer control the crowd via the persuasive use of 12 guage shotgun pointed in the general direction of anyone causing a ruckess, quite effective really. 

Puebla is the next destination on the tour and also happens to be my birthday, lets see how this goes. We head out to have a look at the Cholula pyramid during the day which is the worlds widest pyramid and then to a nice little traditional mexican resteraunt near the hotel and decide to indulge in some culture. We have an entre of ant lavae and guacamol dip which tasted pretty good and a dinner of chicken mole which is like a chocolate, spicy, almond type gravy, hard to describe cause ive never tasted anything like it but it was great. I received a few presents, the most notible of them being a blow up horse including large blow up member, nice one girls. A nice relaxing game of kings (or circle of death) followed that to get everyone nice and ready for hitting the club. Live music, band on stage and full of liquid courage i jump up on stage and grab the microphone and start singing land down under, the crowd applaudes, im a legend. With the microphone safely back in the hands of the lead singer i proceed to the nearest table for some booty shaking table dancing, the crowd applaudes, im the center of attention, what a great birthday, the night was long and everyone danced up a storm and had a brilliant time. The next day was my day to laze about and i deserved it.

Welcom to Oaxoca well known for its amazing markets of food, textiles and other random things. It didnt take me long to find the meat market (or as i refer to it stall of heavenly bliss) where they smash the meat flat and cook it up fresh in front of you and combine it with chillie, cactus, tomatoe, onions, guacamol on a tortia, this place was my church. Just outside of the town we visited the largest tree in the world with a diameter of 53m and consumes 20 000 gallons of water per week, checked out Teotitlan del Valle where they make traditional blankets, tapestries, and rugs and was shown how they make the threads, colours and how they weave it all together, went to the Mitla ruins of the Zapotec people, and then topped the day off with a tour of another Mezcal distillery called Fabrica de Mezcal and got to drink the strong stuff straight from the distiller, a top day indeed, Tyson has been satisfied.

Moving on from Oaxaca I realized that buses suck, especiallly when its a 12hr journey overnight to San Cristobal, thankfully though I was sitting next to fellow Aussie comrad Katie and was able to keep myself amused by tormenting and annoying her until i got tired. San Cristobal was heaps of fun, we hired mountain bikes and head off to find some tracks about 1/2hr out of town, after 2hrs of riding we were lost, hadn't found any tracks and arrived in a small little village which only had dirt paths, a school, church, chickens and old ladies washing clothes in the creek. We managed to become the center of attention though at the school where all the kids came running out to meet us and get photos, which promptly came with a request for money, they start the checky buggers off young here. After a full day of riding my butt felt like I had been the guest of honor at one of Elton Johns parties so it was time for food, brewskies and a bar. We hit this wicked cool little reggae bar where the shots were about 20cm tall and coaxed me into hanging upside down from the rafters by my feet, i didnt get kicked out and was once again the center of attention in the bar, could have also been due to the fact that i had my Australian Dawn Frazer jumper on.

The drive to Palenque took us through some amazing country side and back mountain roads. Stopped in at Agua Azul which was an awesome swimming hole and series of aqua green teal cascading waterfalls, soon enough we had found one to jump off and test our aerial acrobatic skills. Further down the road we came across Mizol Ha waterfall where you could walk along a pathway and through a cave behind it, and then arrived in Palenque. In Palenque we stayed in a rainforest lodge where the huts were scattered all throughout the bush, you basically needed a guide just to find your way to your hut, walls were made of sticks, the mattress was a piece of foam, the roof was a tarp over palm tree leaves and even the slightest noise late at night could be heard by your neighbours, or so it seems, the shower was a plastic sheet around a tank with shower head tapped to the bottom, no worries, it feels like camping at home. The lodge had the coolest reseraunt and bar area amongst the trees, the pizza amongst the best in the world, and after a few beers it was quite difficult to make it back to your room in the dark, well at least if your Scottish. The reason for visiting Palenque was to see the ruins and tombs and by crikey they were amazing, the Myans of the area were very smart, their calender more accurate than what we use today, could predict lunar and solar eclipses to the minute, had a vast understanding of mathematics, seasons, physics, solar and lunar patterns, and each building was built with a specific purpose, facing a specific direction, aligned with lunar and solar solstices, a drainage system that delivered clean water and took away the dirty water, I can not praise these people enough and it would be well worth reading up on the net about them. Ill let the pictures do the talking for this place and just to guage how big it is, this is only 2% of the city that has been uncovered from the jungle.

Bring on Merida, however before we had even got there trouble struck while trying to pass through an army checkpoint, the whole bus had to be evacuated, all luggage removed and individually searched by your friendly mexican M16 carrying soldier, I still think it was because we had 2 crazy Polish people on the bus. We went swimming in Cenotes which are uderground caves full of water were sections of the roof has caved in giving access to the brilliant clear blue water, we jumped from the roofs 15m above with Kai the German doing his classic beer gut extension drop. To get there we rode upon some great 1900's horse and carts controlled by a thin little mexican that ran along miniture rails tracks through the middle of butt punch nowhere, the carts were barely holding themselves together and you had to lean into the corners to avoid the carts falling apart or falling off and landing in rocks and cactus's, the ride back was just the same however because we were in no mans land we had to get pedalled back, thats right a little fella about all the age of 10 would pedal us 2 at a time 5kms back in 40 degree heat to town for the equivalent of $2AU. Definately one of the highlights of the trip. Merida is the home of the Chitchin Itza ruins, some of the most famous in the world, now the Palenque ruins blew me away but these ones were down right awe inspiring, they are amazing and they were so advanced with accoustics in the buildings you can here someone whispering 200m away and talk to crowds of 1000's without microphones or anything, they had a massive big waterhole used for sacrificing kids to the gods, and the hole religion is based on the important people with all the power (engineers, not lawyers) using their knowledge of the world to control the masses by predicting things such as rain, lunar eclipses and etc, also interesting to find out was they used to play some kind of ball game where the winning team leader would get his head cut off and sacrificed, I would have been glad to be born defected back then.

The end of the road for the first trip was Playa del Carmen on the beach. The day started off strong with a group of six people going to hire scooters to cruise around the town, burn up the streets and do beach jumps. Within 5 minutes Sally and Crystal had lost control of the scooter and slamed into the gutter destroying the scooter and themselves, $200US down and 2 humans down, Natalie chose to retire in light of the catastrophie, another human down. This left Me, Mark and Katie to head off to one of the remote northern beachs for a swim and coronas on the beach in a top little bar with swings for seats. The next few hours involved swimming and drinnking in some exclusive beachside resorts, Katie flooring it in the sand into a wall, Katie flooring it in the sand into a gutter splitting the front guard, Katie flooring it over a curb, flying across the road at like 40km/h into the bush and through the bush stopping 1m in front of a big log, Katie retired after this $60US poorer, smart move lawyer. A club by the name of Blue Parrot would be our watering hole for the final night complete with free entry thanks to some shit talking by yours truly, two for one beers and fire dancers, couldnt have ended the first part of the journey in a better way.

All of this in two and a half weeks, some of the most amazing things ive ever seen, pyramids, ruins, waterfalls, coutryside, culture, all with a little bit of crazy random thrown in for good measure and such a great crowd of people to share it with. Everyday was an adventure and I found myself waking up every day and couldnt believe im actually in this country and seeing these things, best thing is ive still got another 3 or 4 months of this, hope your all having a great time at work :-) ill have a Corona for you

Viva las Vegas! I'll start off by saying a lot of things happened in Vegas while i was there and these are the things I can write about, afterall what happens in vegas stays in vegas. I arrived at the airport and met up with one of my good friends Rachael from back home who had come across from LA to catch up and check out what all the hype was about. Our hostel was right on the strip just a ways back from the action and the name alone gave insight as to what Vegas would hold for us, "Sin City Hostel".

First things first, wheres the food, upon enquiring about where is a good place to tantalize our tastebuds I realise why there are so many fattys and health problems here. Every place offers some sort of all you can eat buffet ranging from $5 - $20 and these are not half assed my friends and within no time I was fat, bloated and ready to sleep. The strip is amazing, freaks, fattys, hotties, famousies, lions, neon everything and every casino has a different theme and a lot of them have roller coasters and etc. One called the venitian which has been created to be like venice even has a river inside it and you can get gondola rides

The first day was spent strolling around and checking out all the casino and a few different free shows, check out the pics. Up at 6 the next morning to do our overnight tour out to Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam, both of which were absolutely amazing, just the sheer scale of the Grand Canyon leaves you without words. As an extra surprise the weather at the Grand Canyon was so cold that it actually started snowing !!, and Tyson not being the brightest person decided that I only needed to take shorts and a hoodie, not a good decision by any means. Back to vegas to try and hit some of the clubs, we went into a few to check them out and we couldnt even get in. I have never felt so outclassed in all my life, now I know what it feels like for a homeless person to walk into a shopping centre. All of the girls were absolutely amazing and the guys had enough bling to make the queen jealous, time to head home.

Rach head off back to LA next morning so i kept myself busy with looking around, gambling, pokies and amusement rides. One of the casinos, The Stratosphere, is about 1000ft tall and on the top has three different rides you can do that hang you over the edge of the tower, so i had to give that a go and it was one of the scariest things ive ever done, Tyson has dirty pants now. just before i went up there a guy had climed out to over the barriers and jumped of the top commiting suicide, nasty stuff. The hostel had a BBQ and drinks that night which was awesome and met heaps of cool peeps and went out on the town for some drinking and gambling, $2 margharittas woo hoo !! then i went back on the rides at the Stratosphere at night, farkin unreal.

The next night we went had drinks at the hostel with the guy that ran it and a few others and found out that the marriages in Vegas arent valid outside the US without some kind of registration, you know what comes next. So this cool Swedish chick that was staying in my room and I decided that tonight was the night, hit the clubs, do some gambling then go and get married, simple. Everything was going great, but the celebratory drinks were going down a little too well and before I knew it the end of my night was in sight, except instead of a little white wedding chapel it was a little white porceline bowl and i was emptying my stomache out the wrong end and they took me back to the hostel. Tyson struck out and had to go home un-married, sorry again Kat if your reading this. For my last day in Vegas me, 2 Danish girls and the Swedish chick spent it swimming, sunbaking and lazing around the lagoon and waterfall in the Pink Flamingo casino, quality nice!